So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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