Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
