Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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