Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
