How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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