you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
