The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Randomize
