It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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