i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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