How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
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