Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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