I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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