I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
