she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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