one two three fourrrrnication!
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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