I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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