Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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