tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
