girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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