exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
