I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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