people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
