I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
