how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
So squirting runs in the family.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
