can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
