Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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