...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
