WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
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You tried to poop in the sink last night.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
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Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line