well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
