i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.