On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.