I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
