**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Randomize
