Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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