Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
