I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I wish they made helmets for livers.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
