It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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