she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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