and she was petting her beer can
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
