I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Still dying that you shit outside
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
