I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
