this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
