I think my vagina is haunted
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
