So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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