you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
