Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
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I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
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The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize