she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
