I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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