I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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