whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
