I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
