...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize