a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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