OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
