I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
