I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Bring me that man meat
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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