shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
