if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
