Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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