I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
