Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
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Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
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Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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