Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
