he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
