Dude, just got a bummer.
A blow job from a homeless chick.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
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after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
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I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.