it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
