Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.