He disabled his match.com account in front of me
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
you had me at cake vodka
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.