Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.