I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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