Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
