Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
