Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
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new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
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