if i can run in heels then i can drive
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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