I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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