How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
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You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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