no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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