dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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